found in the archives
i found this while cleaning today. if memory serves correctly, i wrote this at a frisbie concert in minneapolis. i had driven up there with my roommate and my friend -- a guy that she had started dating. it was strange, to say the least. i had met him from this *other* email discussion list i was on. it was called audities, and i had been recommended there by liam.
maybe she hadn't started dating him yet. i don't know. all the chronology gets hazy in my mind. it seems to me that the following seems to stem out of my angst of my boyfriend who had moved up from arkansas to be with me breaking up with me that november and us taking this trip in january or february. so, i think she actually was dating mike by this time. we stayed with another friend, letty, who i met again through music... she hosted a frisbie in-store at her store and we instantly clicked. she was on the audities list, too, and we were all frisbie fans. a gaggle of unstereotypical groupies we were: kelly, shawn, letty, ann marie and me.
but, this frozen weekend found ann marie, mike and me traveling the long, cold, flat trip to minneapolis to see frisbie in the smaller venue below first avenue, passing by ann marie's hometown of hudson.
in the middle of the show is when i think i wrote this... who knows, now that i think about it, it makes more sense that this was february 2001. especially given the more rambling manic way it's written...although it does get sort of poetic in places.
i'll give it line breaks to make more readable...but it's all one long paragraph.
pop music courses through my veins pierces my soul lifts me up
sometimes, it consumes me and it seems it will be enough forever.
enough life to carry me through
enough god to save me.
there is the time -- tonight -- when the qualities that bring me to my knees at the altar shaking in ecstacy are the things that bring me begging for mercy.
it's all about love.
love had love wone love tasted love lost
i search all over for a song that won't take me down that dangerous path....wondering, craving for the inspiration of pop songs running mindlessly away from it.
empty ears hear tonight the litany of my church.
empty hearts empty hands
i know not of what i seek but i know the sweet elixir that has the power to save me also holds the poison to drown me -- awash in an ocean of self-pity and desperation.
hoping no one will see or notice or try to change things.
sometimes you have to wallow -- open up your throat and let the rushing water of harmoney fall in and suffocate your dreams let the hopelessness of a capo tear your world apart.
let the chords of sweet music shred your hold on what you know as happiness.
it's a rare moment when a pop show fails to remind me that life is short and moments fleetingly poignant.
but tonight, i'll fall down and skin my knee on pop. let it rip open wounds instead of heal them. let it tease me instead of comfort.
let it play with my emotions making them fragile and distant rather than whole and NOW: it is the things that can save us that betray us somethimes and it's a hard lesson to learn.
love gained. love found. love earned. love lost. love gone. love out the door.
it all sounds good to my ears even when my sould can't fathom how it willl reconcile the brutal torture with the beautiful gown it comes dressed in.
i want to wear it, but can i stand the weight of the chains and whips?
can i endure?
pop music, bound to betray. bound to wound and scar.
where will i go in these moments? or is there no escape and i get to be the sponge? soaking it up no matter how caustic this time?
damn you, pop music. just this once.
see. there's some really good parts. and then sometimes, it sounds just plain crazy. there you are.
maybe she hadn't started dating him yet. i don't know. all the chronology gets hazy in my mind. it seems to me that the following seems to stem out of my angst of my boyfriend who had moved up from arkansas to be with me breaking up with me that november and us taking this trip in january or february. so, i think she actually was dating mike by this time. we stayed with another friend, letty, who i met again through music... she hosted a frisbie in-store at her store and we instantly clicked. she was on the audities list, too, and we were all frisbie fans. a gaggle of unstereotypical groupies we were: kelly, shawn, letty, ann marie and me.
but, this frozen weekend found ann marie, mike and me traveling the long, cold, flat trip to minneapolis to see frisbie in the smaller venue below first avenue, passing by ann marie's hometown of hudson.
in the middle of the show is when i think i wrote this... who knows, now that i think about it, it makes more sense that this was february 2001. especially given the more rambling manic way it's written...although it does get sort of poetic in places.
i'll give it line breaks to make more readable...but it's all one long paragraph.
pop music courses through my veins pierces my soul lifts me up
sometimes, it consumes me and it seems it will be enough forever.
enough life to carry me through
enough god to save me.
there is the time -- tonight -- when the qualities that bring me to my knees at the altar shaking in ecstacy are the things that bring me begging for mercy.
it's all about love.
love had love wone love tasted love lost
i search all over for a song that won't take me down that dangerous path....wondering, craving for the inspiration of pop songs running mindlessly away from it.
empty ears hear tonight the litany of my church.
empty hearts empty hands
i know not of what i seek but i know the sweet elixir that has the power to save me also holds the poison to drown me -- awash in an ocean of self-pity and desperation.
hoping no one will see or notice or try to change things.
sometimes you have to wallow -- open up your throat and let the rushing water of harmoney fall in and suffocate your dreams let the hopelessness of a capo tear your world apart.
let the chords of sweet music shred your hold on what you know as happiness.
it's a rare moment when a pop show fails to remind me that life is short and moments fleetingly poignant.
but tonight, i'll fall down and skin my knee on pop. let it rip open wounds instead of heal them. let it tease me instead of comfort.
let it play with my emotions making them fragile and distant rather than whole and NOW: it is the things that can save us that betray us somethimes and it's a hard lesson to learn.
love gained. love found. love earned. love lost. love gone. love out the door.
it all sounds good to my ears even when my sould can't fathom how it willl reconcile the brutal torture with the beautiful gown it comes dressed in.
i want to wear it, but can i stand the weight of the chains and whips?
can i endure?
pop music, bound to betray. bound to wound and scar.
where will i go in these moments? or is there no escape and i get to be the sponge? soaking it up no matter how caustic this time?
damn you, pop music. just this once.
see. there's some really good parts. and then sometimes, it sounds just plain crazy. there you are.
